Ever greet someone by checking out her shoes first, then work your way up, and by the time she starts talking, you already know everything about her?
That’s not nice, but sometimes it’s kind of fun to guess. We’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover, so should we judge a person by her shoes? No. But sometimes we can’t help ourselves.
Warning! This is tongue-in-cheek, completely stereotypical and totally joking! But here’s what your shoes say about you:
Really Furry Boots: “It’s cold outside, and to avoid turning into an icicle, I’m wearing boots that make me feel like I am walking around with a litter of puppies attached to each foot.”
Stilettos: “Yes! Girls’ night. My husband’s watching the kids, and I am going out. I’m leaving the Keds at home, and I’m wearing seven layers of mascara. Oh no, I don’t think I can walk in these! Yes, I can. No, I can’t. Yes, I can.”
Running Shoes: “I’m a runner, and I subscribe to running magazines. My running shorts have a special pocket for my keys, and I sign up for 5Ks with funny names. Like the ‘Run Like a Mother 5K’ or the ‘Vampire 5K.'”
Wedges: “I like to be tall, but I care about my ankles. I’m totally judging you for not caring about yours.”
Ballet Flats: “I am pencil skirt and Chanel No. 5 classic. My emerald-green sweater set will still be chic 10 years from now.”
Rain Boots: “It’s raining. Stop judging me. I need a latte.”
Flip-Flops: “It’s summer! Bring on the bikinis… Okay, bring on the tankinis and beach cover-ups!”
Athletic Walking Shoes: “I’m a mall walker. I tempt myself by pacing past the Cinnabon counter… Every. Single. Morning.”
Kitten-Heeled Slingbacks: “I want to dress up this outfit, but I’m also aware that a higher heel will ensure that I face plant right into the curb outside of work.”
Black Moto Boots: “I’m edgy. Do not even talk to me right now. Go ask Ms. Ballet Flats for her scone recipe.”
Okay, what’d I miss? What shoes are you wearing right now, and what do they say about you?